Lisa’s Room

Living off your own efforts is not easy. We just got news that a hope we had of a project turning into a job is not at all certain. At least this time we have some months to try and figure it all out and at least this time I am able to try and be part of the solution as I start to feel my way back into the work force.

I tend to not want to write about it - as it is not at all pleasant and I don’t want to make our efforts seem unsuccesful. It’s not that simple. It’s just that when you create your own work - it can be hard to buffer the unexpected moments - times when invoices get lost or clients go out of business from issues not at all related to your efforts. Ideally one needs to have a savings account and low overhead to weather the ups and downs. We are not there yet but we are trying. Moving to an area that has a much more reasonable cost of living is a good start.

At the same time - I am coming to see that going into business for myself may be one of my best options - as jobs are hard to find right now. I talk to many people who are taking these challenging times and trying things they may not have had time to do previously.

I am on a personal journey and just beginning to think of things I can pursue in addition to my tutoring and substitute teaching. I am not sure how this is all going to play out - but I am excited that I am finally feeling some clarity about things I want to pursue. I am ready to stop bitching and moaning and set about trying to make things for me and my family better.

Yesterday I threw Mimi a birthday party on a very limited budget and proved to myself that fun is NOT about the price. I entertained 10, 8 or so year olds as follows. Party 12-3. 12 - 1 eating spaghetti and doing the craft project. 1 - 2 played games - guess what animal I am with a post it on the back - sardines - a kind of hide and seek - murderous wink and finished with a build a snow man competition in which kids formed groups and the winners got the simple goody that everyone got first. Then it was time to make your sundaes at the sundae bar and watch a movie and before I knew it - parents came to get them. After the guests left we opened the presents.

The craft was to decorate a little tote bag I bought from JoAnn Fabrics. I had bought trim and glue and had markers and paint. The kids loved it. The bags are small totes - great for holding a few books. I had a back up craft involving using some free shrinky dink stuff but we never had time. The girls loved making their own sundaes - I had the cups ready to go in the freezer.

The great thing was that to see that the girls clearly had fun. I think I spent maybe $75 on everything - juice boxes - spaghetti - sauce - craft - ice cream and toppings - plates - cups plastic utensils - movie rental…..
Now I can relax and forget about it all until next year…….

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Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

The finale of the bday lunch was bananas, brown sugar butter all carmelized up. Who needs the ice cream? This was great.

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Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

This is a few days old - but last Thursday in keeping with the celebrkopsate with the birthday girl - I took her home for lunch and made this scrumptious salmon ceviche with lemons, garlic and kosher salt. Then I put in on some angel hair pasta I had left over,

Mimi has been an avid reader of the olympian series by Percy Jackson so when the movie came out we had to go. I intend to read the series as I enjoy perusing this kind of youth literature. I do know that one positive aspect is that Mimi is really into Greek mythology these days and runs around talking about the various gods. That is probably one thing that really struck me as I sat and watched the film - how these types of series perpetuate our ancestral mythologies - and how important that is.

The movie was fun. It was a bit scary and so I did not take my 6 year old - though she probably would have been alright. The special effects were engagng and the plot moved ahead with just the right amount of intrigue. I really have to say I enjoyed the movie. And I’m proud of my daughter for having good taste. I gave her the last book of the series - a new hardbound book for her birthday and she was thrilled. She tells me that the author is presenting a series involving ancient egypt next.

Mimi’s birthday sweet roll

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

Rembember if I can do it anyone can! Again using my handy dandy Jiffy mix I was able to whip up these sweet mama’s so that Mimi could enter age 8 in style. I simply made a mix of slightly toasted pecans - brown sugar and butter and spread in on a rectangle of biscuit batter. Then I rolled up the rectangle and cut the pieces. I was going to make a white frosting to drizzle on top but these were sweet enough. I love brown sugar carmelized - very yum.

Anyone who knows how crazy expensive whole foods is can appreciate what victory this was. I ended up there because it was right near where I took Mimi in for a dr’s appt and it was getting late. I did have to shed my cart once or twice - I opted against trying to make pad thai in favor of making a very delicious shrimp and pasta. I really do want to make pad thai someday and will do so when we are not waiting on our major clients to PAY US!! Yeah - that’s right - our two biggest clients simply forgot to pay us our January dues for one reason and another. While I appreciate that we will get the money - until the green bucks flow into the account - it’s nail biting crunch time. This is why I need to get a steady job - relying on project on your own business sucks unless you are flowing.

Anyways I digress. Though I was too busy wolfing it down to take any pics - I did manage to make a very tasty dinner with 1 1/2 pounds of shrimp - garlic - olive oil, spaghetti lemon, chives and a little romano cheese and chili flakes. I made the plates to order to the kids got the cheese, Marc got the chili flakes and I got it all. It was good and everyone was happy.

Then just to push the envelope - I toasted the shells and am trying to make a seafood broth by cooking the toasted shells overnight in my hot pot. This is all Blaise and he told me to simmer the shells for two hours. I am hoping that my hot pot does the trick as I am afraid I would forget this guys and burn them. Now I’m totally winging it as I have no idea of how much water etc - so we shall see.

Oh and at whole foods I also got things for some other eats - like a salmon filet we never got to and brown sugar for tomorrow’s cinnamon rolls.

Jiffy Biscuits

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

This morning I decided I would take on making rolled biscuits as described on the jiffy baking mix box. Basically all I did was add 2/3 cups milk to 2 cups baking mix and knead it a little. To make it even easier I was able to mix and knead and even cut all in the bowl. I used an old can to cut out the circle. I then made up fluffy scrambled eggs with a little milk and served Mimi and Lucy before making through the snow with me, to their school. It worked well and took less than a half an hour from start to consumption.

Tomorrow I will try and use the mix to make cinnamon rolls. Mainly because tomorrow is Mimi’s 8th birthday!!

It’s been a long time since I posted to my own blog. But upon return I am getting warm and fuzzy feelings about it all. I have been mainly using facebook which has been fun but it just isn’t the same. Though one can use notes - the fact that the typical update is limited in text length begins to discourage one from saying much more than the simplest of things. But that is ok - it’s just a different art - like comparing citations to full on dissertations.

So many changes - this has been a tumultous year for us as a family. We left our safe home of Walnut Creek CA to venture into the world and there were a few bumps. Me and the girls lived with Marc’s sister in Florida while Marc spent the Fall determining if moving to Cleveland was the right decision. Now we are all together in Cleveland and while there have been uncertain moments - it now looks as if it is all falling into place. I even have a job lined up to start in January tutoring kids at a very good hourly rate. Marc is involved in a few projects and we are working hard to secure some money for our own people. It’s not all tied down and I don’t like to jinx anything by talking too early - but I am getting confident that we did the right thing. I had a lovely life in CA - great friends - good music - but it really wasn’t happening for Marc and the business and as that is our bread and butter - nothing else mattered. And by moving out to the east coast I gain back friends and family that I had lost access to in CA.

I am very glad to have had the CA years - I can easily close my eyes and envision incredible scenery. I used to always love just looking at Mt. Diablo as I drove home from somewhere and I often new I was living somewhere beautiful. But I don’t regret giving that up to move towards making us more financially solid. Where we live in Cleveland is beautiful too. Everyday we pass by these amazing mansions from the 1920’s that capture the imagination. And the prices for which they sell is also incredible after 20 years in either NYC or CA. Shaker Heights Ohio - which is where we really are - is rich with parks and scenery. It was one of the first successful planned communities - done in an era where thery didn’t scrimp or have plastic to add in.

I have moved all my life - and this last move has reminded me that beauty and good people abound - it really is up to oneself to work it all out.

This is a history defining day. Barack Hussen Obama - 44th president. A man with an African father becomes president of a country that started out with slavery. We are finally where every civil rights particpant has dreamed we would be. This is of epic significance both to our country and to the world. I can’t express enough the amazing synergy to this.
And in the glow there is the reality that Obama is also finally a democrat that is intelligent, analytical, reasonable and has charisma. Powers that be may stop him from all he wants done - but he is going to be an amazing leader. Finally there is someone that brings back rational thinking into our everday life. For too long we have had to pander to the fears of a religious extreme - allowing stem cell research to be blocked. I would go on but I need to get on with my day.
We had both children stay home to watch the inauguaation and hear the speech. Lucy was too young to listen but Mimi seemed to take it in. There is a collective sigh of relief - even as our economy continues to plummet.

I am writing at 10:05 pm of the wonderful news that Barack Obama will be our next president. I have cried seveal times tonight with joy as it is so good on so many levels. I have thought that if asked I would say 2 things:
1. That I would have voted for Barack had he been purple. The man represents the strong, calm persitent, intelligent strength that I believe in. He’s a smart man - he will surround himself with able people. He will get the job done.
2. But that is he is black is beyond wonderful. I hope that this becomes a step forward in erasing the bad karma that is part of our heritage. I am proud that my ancestors were Quaker for their early abolitionist history. We have wounds to heal. Now we lead the world in a way that matters to me.

But I would also have to tell you that I don’t hate McCain or Palin and that I would have been much happier with them in office these past 8 years than George W Bush - who seems to me to be a puppet . I don’t agree with it being tolerated that Chenney’s company Haliburton be hired to do so much in Iraq - it is a conflict of interest we should not tolerate. These last years have been awful and corrupt and I hope we air it out.

I think McCain gave a great concession speech - I just can’t agree with the Republican party at this time. They say less government but always bring in more in ways that don’t help the little people of this country. I believe in regulation and socialized medicine. Like education medical care must be available to all. It does work in Canada and Western European countries - we just need to make sure that a just system is set up and REGULATED.

While Palin is nice and here folksy way can be charming - I hope to see so many of the other amazing women out there step up.

The blemish tonight is that California’s proposition 8 that bans gay marriage may win and that disturbs me. I believe that we should encourage healthy marriages and lifestyles and understand that homosexuality has been around since adam and eve - that it is an option and to deny it takes away people’s rights and dignity. I do have judgements - but they have to do with how people treat each other and not what racial or sex combination makes up a marriage. People who abuse or coerce their partners in unhealthy ways are what I am against. Also I believe in a separation between church and state so that the parents who do believe that it must be a man and woman have the right to share this with their children but that the government should not decide. But it is early and the polls don’t reflect much of the state so there is still hope that this vote will be the NO I hope for. Many of the other issues are less compelling though I was surprised to see the vote for children’s hospitals not necc going through.

But back to Barack Obama- this is the greatest historical moment of my life - I was born after JFK and too young to understand Martin Luther King. I remember news clippings in the jungles if vietnam but was again under 10. I was upset with the election of Regan. Bill Clinton was good but foolish to allow himself to be set up and then to mishandle the trivial issue of his Lewinsky indiscretion so that it overshadowed all the real work he was trying to do. I didn’t like George Bush Sr but knew he was a very smart man. I couldn’t believe that George W was elected - his resume is one of failures so why this made him a candidate is still beyond me. And here we are 2008 and we have the integrity to elect a smart, charmismatic black man and show the world that we can lead with something other than a fighter plane. This choice is not only good for this country - but I think it is good for the world.

I am going to try and capture the highlights of this past summer so that I can remember what we did with these past three months.

It was a great summer. Mimi and Lucy did swim team so I became a daily swim mom. The great thing was that I got to hang out with and really get to know some great other moms (Denise, Laurie and Melody). I also had the girls enrolled in other camps which got to be too much. Mim got to do a science camp - and both girls did little walnuts and Mini skyhawks. I may do the science camp again and the sports camp for Mimi but not for Lucy. In the end swim team was ENOUGH and lots of fun. I never had to schedule playdates as my kids got to mingle and play everyday.

My cousin Blaise came for a nice long visit. He is wonderful and one of my favorite people in the universe. I find him engaging and inspiring and I am very happy to get connected again. In fact I think I will call him after this post. With him I drove down to San Diego - had a visit with my bro that included Mexico, and then wandered up staying in Solvang. I discovered Solvang is not so great for kids but seems best for couples seeking time together and wine from the nearby vineyards.

Then after a few more weeks of swim team - we went out to Michigan thanks to my stepfather who generously bought me and the girls tickets. We had a great time with my mom. And for something totally new, my father and stepmother joined us there with another grandchild - Victoria and we went camping at a local jellystone resort. It was fantastic. There were activities for the kids every hour - a playground across the camp road from our tents and a swimming pool. I got to really relax with Dad and Marilyn and we agreed it was an experience worth repeating. We did have a funny ending when a very sudden and fast storm swept through and me and the girls returned to my mom’s place a night early. I’ve gotten spoiled by the dry California summer weather. I have to confess I was happy to get back to california and I no longer feel much like a midwesterner - my heart is clearly here.

The final adventure of the summer had Marc join me and the girls for a final camping trip. We drove down to Arroyo Grande and stayed at lopez lake. Through a reservation mishap we spent the firsy night sleeping in our car - but I digress. When we did camp at lake lopez it was lovely and not at all crowded. Then we were off to San Diego to see my brother Phillip and his wife and baby. Well our camp ground there - Campland was atrocious but we had the most heavenly day at the beach with the warmest water temperatures that area gets. It was intoxicating.

So now we are home and both girls are in school. Mimi is set up in 1st grade - staying a full day without batting an eye. And Lucy is in her final year at her preschool - happy to see her friends again. As for me - I am extremely happy to have my 4 hours a day back. I haven’t had the solid chunk of time since the year before last. Today was day #1 and I certainly got a lot done. I am to be playing a piece in October that is very challenging and I finally got to practice.
Here are some highlights from the summer:

Yesterday Marc and took our girls to see American Girl’s Movie- Kit kittredge. I knew it involved a girl in the depression era and also knew that the main actress - Abigail Breslin - is a child actress I have enjoyed. But I didn’t know much about the plot and was actually planning on slipping out to watch a different movie. Instead I stayed and marveled at the very well done storyline that showed some reality without too much sugar coating. Indeed the main character’s family also shares in some of the depression style hardship.

It was eerie how relevant the subject matter was to today’s recession. I found myself hoping that my girls would take in the info and learn that money is not always there and that there are times when being careful and not spending need to happen. We personally are going through such a time as we continue to improve out product being funded only by our own client work. Not an easy time. But more importantly - the movie shows people going through what is for some the worst of times and finding ways to keep on going. Certainly the real message to the movie is about not letting the hard times destroy you. NOw that is a very valuable truth. My girls may not have gotten nearly the depth that I did - but I am very glad we now have another conversation point in explaining things. Given the number of foreclosures that are going on around the country - I think it’s good if a movie can help some kids realize that they are not alone and these tight times have come and gone before. It’s also not bad for us adults to remember.
I have been having a lot of moments in which some of the ways of my grandparents begin to make sense. I am beginning to think that we are coming down to earth after some crazy wealthy half century. As stressful as it is to worry about money - there is a lot of truth in the good of having to step back and take stock of what really matters.

I was just starting to type this when a second shock rolled through. They were small mind you but big enough for me - thank you very much.

Well that puts a spin on a tough day. I have been feeling uneasy for the second part - a feeling I thought was brought on by a bad swimming Mom moment and reminder of our current financial stress. Now I wonder if I’m not like the animals who go a little crazy before earthquakes. We don’t have any pets other than a beta fish so I don’t know if any animals did react.

My bad swimming moment -it was a stretch to put Lucy in a swim team but I thought they let the little kids like her go along for the ride. Well today I found out that they don’t and so they asked she be put in guppies - which is fine but for the fact that she was finally giving it a go and they asked I pull her out after she started which made her cry. I felt so bad and so mad - she’s been a great little sport. But after crying she seemed to bounce back and as I lay thinking - right before the earth rolled - I thought about my own guilt - thinking that maybe I was feeling so bad because I felt guilty.

The deal is I am not trying to push my kids to be athletes - I am just trying to provide some exercise. And when I tried to figure it out at sign up I didn’t get a great answer so I made the wrong choice. And it does suck that she gets yanked out after I finally get her into the groove. I just hope she doesn’t think she is any less and that she has a good time in the lower key class. I think she might and I will certainly work towards her feeling great about it. I am very proud of her.

It’s been a tough go for her. This past spring she fell off her bike when I made the wrong choice in a route and now I can’t get her back on her bike. And this was a girl who loved to ride. Hopefully I’ll get her to try again. There is nothing worse than the sinking feeling that you have screwed up as a parent in ways that have actually hurt your kid.

Well I won’t say it’s worth than an earthquake in which you have a gut clenching moment and try and sense if you need to run and save your kids. There is that moment where you just don’t know if it’s going to be small or get worse.

It’s all so crazy - sometimes I just feel how fragile life is and I have to just suck it in. I think these are very real moments and I am glad they are only moments as they tend to be a bit paralyzing. There’s a great chance that I will go to bed and wake up feeling just fine tomorrow.

So let’s hope there are no more earthquakes tonight and I also hope to not be here if and when there is a big one!

Yesterday I would have written that facebook - for all it’s fun games lacks something for me. But now that I have discovered the ability to compile podcasts and add blog feedsin (though it is still buggy and not right) my thoughts are more favorable.

I have also been to linked in which seves it’s different purpose but doesn’t match as well with my life. At least not yet. It is more of a business card exchange forum.

I have barely perused myspace - there is a basic perception amongst my friends that myspace is for dating while facebook is for the rest of us.

The irony is that when I was first aware of all of this - my efforts to get friends involved turned on deaf ears - I just had to wait. Now I am a little behind - though not really. Of course we have our own product - but we are really about making networks for others and licenses than creating a compelling network for people to use. So wrapping my head around facebook has been an important education given that I am now working with Marc as a project manager. Clients get used to the many features they see and I need to know what they are.

On that track circumstances kicked my back into a part time work mode - which has been the silver lining to our recent cloud. I am not only working for Marc I am also working for another friend on a small sales tool web application. It’s been great and I am very happy to project manage again. It turns out I am not that behind - the basics of managing never change.

But facebookdoes lack the very cool tie in with Flickr that allows me to show off my kids art on the side and facebook lacks the blog voice that is such an interesting way to kind of get to know people. I think reading someone is a particular knowledge of that person - not to be confused with acoustic knowledge. Still I really enjoy reading the mental wanderings of my kindred digital souls.

I’ve been having some personal bubbles about owning and not owning and the frustrations of contending with today’s housing prices in Northern California. I could tell you how awful my landlord if for raising our rent a whopping $600 a month - nasty true but probably necessary for his survival and putting us at market level. It did suck and sent me on at least a weeks worth of spin.

The cool thing I have gotten from all this frustration I have about not being able to own RIGHT THIS MINUTE. Is that I have learned alot about alternative green solutions. I find that nothing makes me happier than contemplating superior design solutions to problems.
I really love the creative genius that is all around us. Last night for instance I was reading about houses made from Steel Shipping Containers which are currently stockpiled in our country. I found myself thinking how one could use one to make a very economical and cool add on.

I’ve also been trying to learn more about solar and other energy options - and while I am only at the very beginning of my education - it is pretty interesting and amazing. I explore with the angle - why is this solutions so expensive? I don’t exactly know why yet - but once we find ways to make it easier and cheaper for people to harness the sun to supplement the dependency on on pge for energy - we will be better off. And given our energy needs I hardly think that pge will ever have much to worry about. Hmm imagine a peer to peer energy exchange???? Now were are talking revolutionary change.

Well in the midst of all this personal madness - I took my morning walk to drop my youngest off to her preschool. The walk takes my into public open lands and I had to sigh looking at some picturesque hills of grass. Viewing partaking of them this morning was all the ownership I needed. Thank God for Public parks and lands along with all those public things that really make all of our lives better - Libraries, Schools to name but a few.

happy easter, purim SPRING!i

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

There is a renewed vigor to my life that very much matches the spring around me. These are the days in which we as a family begin to move to the outside again. I am always somehow surprised at how great the outdoors here is and then amazed at how different life is when you get to be outside. Though it is more subtle than the midwest of my youth, there really are very distinct seasons here.

The girls are getting to be more fun than ever to hang out with. Though it is still a bit of a struggle, we are able to do more and more bike trips with them. I get to read Nancy Drew to Mimi which was one of my childhood favorites. Lucy not only enjoys but demands to walk back and forth to her school everyday. I have begun weight watchers again and am finding it super easy and not restrictive. Business is ok for Marc and I begin to have some feelings for what I might do next. I am happy and grateful.

too early to say spring!

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

the only bad thing about our weekend getaway is that we almost missed these glorious blooms…

fristy the snow girl

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

it has become part of our tradition to have marc and the girls create fristy the snowgirl.

me and the snow

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

here i am skiing at a beginner run at squaw while the kids go to ski school. luckily as i am not very advanced it wont take long before they can join me. there was so much snow when we were there that they had to close half the mountain. but the snow was great and even though i’m not much of a skier i had a great time.

our first stop on the way to tahoe

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

we are on our way for a weekend of snow fun at squaw where marc will be giving a speech. it’s a sweet deal - he gets some work done and me and the girls get to have some snow fun. i hate to advertise in and out burger but it is an occasional family treat. i just wish they had salads…

My latest obsession

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

I bought this over the holidays as a present to myself and have been having way too much fun with it. I have never been able to get past the pain in guitar and while my fingers are fast and able for bassoon they are not super strong so this has allowed me to jump in without bother.
I have been able to go to youtube and see others playing including some great Carter family clips. I have never been a country music fan but I love folk music and there is a certain area that overlaps. I do like the old appalachian songs made popular by the likes of Joan Baez. I saw a great clip of her singing “Don’t think twice it’s alright.” She was probably about 18 beautiful and arrogant in the way the young can be.

our view in mendocino

Originally uploaded by Lisa Canter

we stayed monday night at the stanford inn which was a worthwhile splurge - everything it’s website promised. we had a great room ample with a fireplace- an indoor pool and hot tub in a greenhous that was great and included an incredible gourmet breakfast.